


When Your World Is Falling Apart (My Hands Will Shelter Your Heart)

by modernpatroclus



Series: Four Years Strong [1]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: (sort of), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, arrow 4x06, felicity in the field, olicity - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-04-27 22:26:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5066866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/modernpatroclus/pseuds/modernpatroclus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spec-fic for episode 4x06 Lost Souls.<br/>It's her fault. She knows it is.<br/>He is there to remind her otherwise.<br/>Chapter two: Felicity joins the Oliver rescue mission, and Oliver isn't happy about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Remember to Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Spec for episode 4x06 based on [this episode spoiler](http://smoakingtheaqueen.tumblr.com/post/131725606732/lost-souls-800-900-pm-et-content-rating).  
> This episode’s gonna kill me, I can already tell. I need more of Oliver being there for Felicity like she always has for him.  
> Enjoy!

Spec for episode 4x06 based on this  
This episode’s gonna kill me, I can already tell. I just need more of Oliver being there for Felicity like she always has for him.  
Recommended listening for some feelios

When Your World Is Falling Apart (My Hands Will Shelter Your Heart)

She felt a hand on her shoulder. “Felicity. You’ve been searching nonstop for three days. You need rest. Come home with me.”

Felicity didn’t even look up from the computer that was running a search – again. It was pointless, she knew. But she could never forgive herself for giving up. She blamed herself, and she had to make it right. “I can’t. I have to find him. It’s my fault that this is even happening.”

Oliver almost laughed at the ridiculousness of her declaration. “How is it your fault? You didn’t kidnap Ray.”

“I left! I thought he died, and I still left!”

She felt him stiffen behind her, and his hand left her shoulder. “What are you saying?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have left.” She realized how it sounded as soon as the words left her mouth. But the words had an instant effect.

Total silence permeated the cold lair for one minute that felt much longer.

Finally, it was broken with a whisper. “What?” The single word held hurt that Felicity knew, had this conversation happened less than a year ago, would’ve been masked.

The color drained from her face, contrasting with her bright pink lipstick. “I didn’t mean –“ she tried. But for once, she couldn’t find any words.

The mask went up; only this time, it was anger reminiscent of the fight they’d had when they first met Barry.

“Did you even _want_ to come with me? To _be_ with me?” he accused. His blue eyes darkened, even more intense than normal, with anger and rising adrenaline.

Felicity knew he was hurt, but the fact that he could doubt her feelings still stung. “Of course I did!”

He scoffed. “Apparently not. I mean, you were helping the team behind my back pretty much the entire time, and now you’re saying you wish you hadn’t even gone. Were you even with me at all?” His voice caught at the end, betraying the hurt underneath the anger.

“Oliver, it is not like that. I love you, and I loved the entire time we were away. But we came back, and the city is worse than ever, and the company . . .” She trailed off, her gaze falling to the floor. “Ray . . .” She broke off again, her voice cracking ever so slightly.

“Hey,” he whispered, cupping her chin. “We’ll find him. It’s gonna be okay. Ray’s . . . Ray is tough,” Oliver said, the words still feeling somewhat awkward on his tongue. They had never really resolved their issue, Ray having been busy apparently getting blown up, and Oliver getting the hell out before something else tried to hold him there. But Ray was a good man, and Oliver wanted to rescue him from Darhk as soon as possible, too. He just hated seeing Felicity working herself to an early heart attack from the stress of it all. And that she could even think it was _her_ fault . . . It was unfathomable to Oliver. She was the best of all of their team. She was the best person he’d ever known.

Tears pricked her eyes. She sucked in a sharp breath and collected herself. She’d done enough crying that morning, when she had first found out that Ray was not dead. He was being held captive by a sociopath with magical powers for months, while she was off starting a new life with the man behind their break up. She may not love him the way he wanted, but she did love him nonetheless.

She remembered how she’d felt like the worst person ever when she heard about his death after the funeral. She felt bad for still staying away, but she didn’t want to go. The funeral was only for ceremony. There was no body in the casket.  
Of course there wasn’t. Because he never even died in that explosion.

But that guilt was nothing to the fresh wave that hit her upon learning that he was alive. She almost wished he had died. Maybe that would have been better than what he’s been going through with Darhk. She had thought the same thing when she found out about Cooper, too. God, she really felt like a horrible person.

Felicity lifted her face to look him in the eyes again. Gone was the anger and hurt. In its place was an equally fierce concern.

“Stop blaming yourself for this. You didn’t owe him anything then to stay here, and you still don’t owe him anything now.”

Felicity let out a noise of incredulity. “What are you saying? That I should just let Darhk keep him? Stop trying to find him?” She knew it was unfair to keep snapping at him. But she was tired and worried and _angry._ Not at Oliver, of course. No, she felt a burning rage toward the man at the root of all of their problems lately.

Damien Darhk reminded her almost of the bullies that had taunted her in school, who never managed to get into trouble. That was how he was: untouchable. His magic and Lazarus Pit water kept him from physical harm, and the police weren’t apprehending him even when he was publicly threatening the city. (She was still trying to work that one out. The SCPD sucked, but really? Her suspicion was a mole of Darhk’s on the force.)

Oliver ignored the jab, knowing her anger was misdirected. Besides, he’d taken his out on her countless times with petty jabs that resulted in stupid arguments. Instead, he stepped right in front of her so that they were chest to chest, and took her cold hands in his.

“Of course not. I’m saying that you couldn’t have helped him five months ago when you thought he was dead. You only just started receiving his messages a few weeks ago. And you still can’t do anything more to save him now, when you’re this exhausted. You need to get some rest, eat something, and regroup in the morning. You’re not thinking clearly now.”

They stared into each other’s eyes, having a silent conversation.

For a brief moment, Oliver almost thought he had won. But he should’ve known better.

Felicity looked away from his gaze again, squeezing his hands before stepping away from him to sit back at the computers.

“I can’t give up yet. The search is still running. It’ll only be another hour or so.”

Oliver let out a resigned sigh. She was just as stubborn as him – a fact he both loved and hated at times. “Okay, you win.” He sat down next to her and looked at the computers.

“I thought you were going home,” she said over her shoulder.

“I was. But not if you’re not coming with me. Sorry, guess you’re stuck with me,” he joked, bumping his shoulder with hers just slightly, trying to lighten the mood.

He was relieved to see that it worked. For the first time since they’d heard the news, Felicity gave a small half-small. It wasn’t much, but Oliver would take it.

He kissed the top of her head and grabbed her free hand. Oliver felt some of the tightness in his chest loosen when it stopped its slight shaking. He couldn’t erase her guilt, no matter how nonsensical it was. But he could be there for her, in the same way she always was for him. He wouldn’t let her shoulder this alone.


	2. With You, Unsafe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short spec-drabble about Felicity being in the field in 4x06. I may come back to this later, but I wanted to get it up before the episode airs tonight and renders it completely irrelevant.

Felicity sees Oliver against the wall, bound by chains. Which isn’t the most worrying thing, since he’s been in them more times than she’d like to know. _That’s_ the worrying part.

Their eyes meet, his full of a mixture of incredulity, anger, and fear at seeing her _here_ – in the field, with this absolute madman hellbent on ruining their lives, risking hers to save his.

If they make it out alive, he’s gonna kill her.

She makes for him, but it’s a mistake.

Darhk whips around at the sound of her footsteps, heavy in the suit she’s wearing.

“Ah, what do we have here? A hero come to save the damsel, I see. Very nice. I love a good twist,” he says, smiling that sadistic grin.

“Get out of here!” Oliver yells to her, struggling against his restraints.

Darhk laughs, unsettling mirth dancing in his eyes. “Good luck getting out of those. Now, what to do with you? You don’t exactly look like the fighting type,” he says as he stares into her eyes, walking slowly towards her.

He closes in on her and walks around her in a circle, surveying her like a piece of art in a gallery. She gulps, but otherwise makes no show that she’s afraid. She won’t give him the satisfaction she knows it would give his twisted mind.

“Strong-willed, stubborn, brave,” he says, contemplation coloring his tone. “Yes, I see much potential in you. Perhaps you could be fighter material once you’ve taken a dip in my Lazarus Pit.”

But as soon as the words are out of his mouth, Oliver growls. “No! You need to get out of here _now_!”

Felicity ignores him, because with a magical psychopath right in front of her, and him still chained to the wall, _where is she gonna go_? She knows his desperation is driving him crazy, making him lose all his sense. She needs Diggle to hurry the hell up with getting Ray out, and get in here.

Darhk closes the gap between them with two strides. He wraps his cold hand around her throat slowly, so that she feels the air leaving her lungs gradually. She starts to cough and gasps widly, trying desperately to take in air through her blocked lungs.

She vaguely registers Oliver still struggling to get out of his restraints, to _do something._

_A dramatic entrance would be nice right about now,_ she thinks somewhere in the last coherent part of her mind. She’s really not up for finding out what it’s like to die right now. Or be resurrected from a science-defying magical hot tub that turns you into a bloodthirsty killer.

As the edges of her vision fade to black, Darhk’s sadistic smile waning with it – the only blessing right now – Felicity begs whoever will listen that all of this won’t drive Oliver back into the dark place he tried so hard running from. If he goes back to being a broody manpain fighting machine, she’ll take her bloodlust, and she’ll kill _him_. Okay, not literally. But she will have to do a lot of lecturing in her Loud Voice.

Just as the last air and light leave her, suddenly Darhk is on the ground and she can breathe – _oh god it hurts though_ – and Oliver is wrapping his arms around her and touching her face and looking so terrified and relieved at the same time that it doesn’t do anything to help her dizziness.

“Are you okay? What the _hell_ were you thinking?” he accuses.

“Can we do this later? I don’t think he’s much of a napper,” Felicity says, throat burning and scratchy and _god it hurts_ but she’s alive and he’s no longer being held by a madman and it’ll be over once they get the hell out of Crazy Inc.

“No, I told you that I need you to be safe. _This,_ ” he gestures to the fortress-esque hideout of their latest supervillain, “is not safe.”

“And _I_ told _you_ that I want to be unsafe with you,” she argues back. “I was not gonna sit behind the sidelines!”

“You shouldn’t be anywhere near this, especially without backup.”

She rolls her eyes, not at all surprised that they’re doing this right now. “I have backup. I lost them awhile back,” she says sheepishly.

He gives her a look of incredulity that she pointedly ignores.

“We’re talking about this later,” he pushes, and he’s so stubborn that she almost laughs.

But she’s a little busy running from a magical psychopath who’s probably going to wake up at any minute, so she focuses instead on trying to reach Digg on comms. Finally his voice is in her ear, telling her to find the nearest door and they’ll be waiting with the van.

She turns a corner and Oliver follows, and down at the end of the corridor is a door that miraculously leads to said van waiting for them.

Oliver reaches it first and yanks the door open, ushering Felicity inside to the backseat before he follows. Digg guns it and they take off, not wanting to attempt _another_ rescue mission this week.


	3. I’m Scared Today (More Than I Told You I Was Yesterday)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-4x06 Olicity fluff: a late-night talk, coming to realizations and accepting the future (because it's 1am and why not?).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really love this episode (can you tell?). I'll get over it eventually. Maybe.  
> Chapter title is from "Miles” by Christina Perri (it reminds me so much of them you guys - CP is the queen of otp songs).

Felicity feels Oliver’s breathing even out and slow down from where her head rests on his chest. The fan is blowing the hot air around in circles, doing nothing to actually cool the room from their earlier. . . ‘making up’ activities.

She rolls onto her back and sighs, pushing her hair out of her face. She knows she should sleep. She still hasn’t caught up since Oliver had tried to get her to the other day. But despite finding Ray, making up with Oliver, and realizing a few big truths thanks to her mom, Felicity’s brain still won’t shut off.

“Hey,” Oliver whispers, pushing up onto his arm to look at her. “What’s wrong?”

She gives a nervous chuckle and says, “I thought you fell asleep. I guess I didn’t do a good enough job of tiring you out,” she jokes.

He huffs a laugh but otherwise ignores her poor attempt at a distraction. “I won’t push this time, but please don’t hold in whatever’s bothering you,” he says with a slight note of hesitance, playing with a strand of her hair.

She flinches at the memory of how she’d treated him in the last few days. But the whole time, he took all of her attacks with patience and love, never once getting angry. Frustrated, yes – understandably. But when her push came to shove, he waited with arms open. God, she doesn’t know how she got to be so lucky.

“You’re not the lucky one in this relationship,” Oliver says, breaking her from her thoughts. She blushes, but doesn’t try to hide the smile that forms from his words.

“I really need to work on my brain-to-mouth filter. Or lack thereof, I suppose.”

“No, you really don’t. I like knowing what you’re thinking in that brilliant mind of yours.”

She snorts in disbelief. “Even when we’d just met and I’d accidentally come onto you?” she questions, raising an eyebrow.

Oliver laughs, his head falling back against the pillows. “Trust me, it was not unwelcomed, or as one-sided as you thought.”

“Can you blame me? It’s hard to believe you were even more robotic back then than last year,” she teases. A few months ago, joking about the old Oliver or all that had transpired between them in the wake of their failed first relationship attempt would’ve been unthinkable. But it’s a testament to how far they’ve come. So much has changed since they’d left Starling six months ago. _He’s_ changed. And Felicity didn’t think it was possible, but she’s fallen even more in love with him from it. And she’s okay with it.

Her mother managed to talk some sense into her when she was spiraling into insanity. As smart as she is, and as much of her intelligence has come from her father, Felicity would be foolish not to acknowledge how smart her mother is when it comes to reading people. She knew exactly what her fight with Oliver was really about, and she knew just what to say to bring her daughter back to her senses. They may clash over pretty much _everything_ hobby-wise, but Felicity and her mother have a lot more in common personality-wise than either realize.

“I was scared.” She says it so quietly, that if it were anyone else, they probably wouldn’t have heard. But it isn’t anyone else; it’s Oliver, and just like she knew he overheard her mother’s _mortifying_ quip about makeup sex earlier, she knows he heard her now.

She feels his body tense up slightly underneath her. “Scared? Of what?”

“Just. . . Everything. I mean, I know we were a long time coming, but we’ve only been _together_ together for a few months. And I’d never had a serious relationship before you. Cooper and I thought we were, but I was only 19. I knew even less back then about love. Which my mother so eloquently pointed out earlier, I still know nothing,” she mumbles off-handedly. “We wouldn’t still be together today even if he hadn’t gotten arrested. As much as I loved him, I wasn’t ready for anything long-term. And then after him. . . I shut myself off from love. Until I met you,” she says hesitantly, not meeting his burning gaze.

“But I still hadn’t ever thought seriously about marriage or anything. But then Ray turned out to be not-dead, and you were being so _infuriatingly_ _perfect_ while I was trying to find any reason to be mad at you and pick a fight,” she cracks a smile when he laughs at that, “and I realized how serious we’ve gotten. And all my fears of commitment and repressed issues just came out, and I took it out on you. And I’m so sorry,” she finishes, still determinedly _not looking at him._

“Hey,” he whispers, putting a finger under her chin and forcing her to meet his eyes. As soon as their gazes meet, his clear blue eyes calm the storm raging in hers. She lets out the breath she didn’t even know was making her chest burn, and there’s only him.

“You have _nothing_ to be sorry for,” he says fiercely, that intense gaze never wavering. “I did the same thing to you for a year, with a bullshit reason. You did it for a few days, with multiple reasons. As perfect as I think you are, I know you’re not. And I never expect you to be.

“I know you don’t love to talk about your past. And I of all people have no right to push you. But whenever you’re ready, I’ll listen. I don’t care if it’s about a school field trip or your father. I want to hear it all, whenever you’re ready to share.

“Of course you’re scared. I am, too. And with all of these people in our lives coming back from the dead, I’d be worried if you didn’t have some sort of breakdown eventually. We just need to be honest and communicate with each other. I’ve heard that’s pretty important in relationships,” he jokes, and it’s the perfect mixture of light and dark, of conviction and bluntness, that again, for the second time that night, she knows with all of her heart that they will be okay.

She’s still not done dealing with all of her lifetime’s worth of abandonment issues, and he’s still working through his own lingering demons. But against all odds, every impossible obstacle they’ve faced, they’ve come this far, and she’s not giving up on them now.

“I’m so glad you walked into my office,” she says, and he smiles as she pulls his face to hers in a kiss that both seals their determination and challenges any threats coming their way. Because she’s ready to face them all with him, for the rest of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback is highly appreciated. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts, feelings, etc. in the comments! All feedback is appreciated. :)


End file.
